I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
