i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
