...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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