I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
