youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
