And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
