have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
