New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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