sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
