If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
