his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
