Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
