i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
