I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
