allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
