Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
