hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
