it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
