What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
