3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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