I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
