textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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