11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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