Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
