She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
