I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
