She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
