I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
