isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
