That's when you crack a 10am beer
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
