I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
