Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
