I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
