a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
