He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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