Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
