Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
