if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
