i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
