im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
