Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
