My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
