Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
