Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
