Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
