I seem to have left my pride at pride
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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