I will die if light touches me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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