So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
