I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
