this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sext me about skeletons
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
